My wardrobe became a challenge for me after I went blind. No matter what I tried on; I just didn’t feel comfortable in anything. Let me tell you about it…
First of all, my mother started dressing me in turtleneck shirts to hide the ghoulish scar on my neck from my tracheotomy. I felt like such a geek when I was forced to wear those hideous things! I also had feeding tube scars on my naval. I could no longer wear a bikini. This really upset me. I had always been told I could model someday if I wanted to.
Not only was my wardrobe fucked up on a physical level but all my peers were going through this stage in life where what they were wearing was of supreme importance. I couldn’t possibly compete. I threw up my hands early on in frustration; I knew I’d never get it right while living with my parents.
Even after I left home I struggled with my wardrobe. In Montana it was so cold I just wore blue jeans and whatever blouse I could find and I would call it good. I never felt beautiful in anything I wore. Clothes were totally for utility purposes only.
Learning to dress for myself since I moved to Arizona has really helped me. I feel like I’ve had to find clothes that don’t burden my being; they support it. I’ll try to explain what I mean.
I wear loose-fitting dresses that I just pull over my head. These dresses give me the freedom to move any which way I want with no restrictions. I often wear short sleeve or sleeveless dresses with plunging necklines. I no longer concern myself with hiding my scars. I found the whole idea ridiculous, to begin with. I wasn’t ashamed of who I was; my mother was. My body seems to do really well like this. Blue jeans and sweaters were so binding.
I wear mostly blues and shades of springy colors. I am discovering that I really like bright colors; they make me happy.
I never go to the store and ask the sales lady to show me dresses that are what other women are wearing. I simply describe my color preferences and style of dresses and she helps me find and try on dresses that meet my specs.
Over time, I have shifted my wardrobe to one that suits me. It pleases others as well.
Honestly, I think I have figured out how to make my clothes reflect my inner beauty.
Essentially; I don’t ask myself, what will “look” good to the outside world? I ask myself; which dress best reflects who I see when I look inside? That’s the dress I will wear that day.
Once you find this synchronization with what you are wearing; that’s all you need.
I hope you are enjoying my series, Beauty as a Blind Woman in 21st Century America. As always; please let me know what else you’d like me to cover. Peace out.
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