Well, for starters my hair was totally fucked up. I knew I had to do something drastic when I left my parents’ home.
When I was 21 years old, I shaved my head completely bald.
I had been watching my mother fight with my hair for almost a decade by then. I knew I wanted to be kinder to my entire being, particularly my hair. My body and whole self were so traumatized by everything that had been done to me.
It just stood to reason that getting rid of the sick, demented hair now that I had freed myself from at least part of the trauma would cause it to grow back healthier, and it did.
I realize that as a blind woman it was easier to make this decision; I couldn’t see the results when it was done.
I remember that I received my Grizz card for the U of M in Missoula while my hair was growing back in.
I shuddered every time I looked at that picture for years afterward; even with my limited vision, it was hideous to behold, the image of myself with virtually no hair because it was growing back in when I had the picture taken. I held onto that card for years as some kind of keepsake and then finally destroyed it because I didn’t want it falling into the wrong hands.
I had a theory back then that the condition of my hair was a direct physical manifestation of the inner turmoil I had been going through since the head injury. It stood to reason in my book; that was when my hair had gone rogue on me.
I viewed my decision to shave my head as an intentional act of defiance against my new reality that was designed to reset my psyche to pre- head injury defaults. That is exactly what has happened.
As my hair has grown back, I have taught myself a few things about how I like to wear my hair. I feel like I’ve been reconnecting with myself via my hair. The longer it becomes; the more connected I feel to the Becky I once was. I have been afraid to acknowledge that person all these years; she was the one who wound up too broken for my mother to accept.
As I’ve searched for a solution to my hair woes; I have found that the gentler I am with my hair, the better it responds to me. Because of this, I try not to do anything too devastating to it. Let me tell you basically how I care for my hair.
I shower every morning. I shampoo my hair twice. I don’t use any conditioner at this point. I then towel dry it. I find that hair dryers make my hair too dry.
Then after it’s had time to dry naturally, I gently pick through it with an actual pick if I can find one or with my hairbrush. I then slide a headband on to hoist my mane up off of my neck while I’m busy living my life each day.
Simple and easy for Blind Becca to manage.
I try to get into the salon every three months or so to get my split ends trimmed and my blond highlights redone in my hair. It not only makes me feel great; it seems to be appealing to others as well.
Since I’ve been wearing my hair like this, I get a lot more attention.
That’s what shocks me the most. I simply changed my perspective to suit myself; not others. Once I saw myself in a different light; everyone else saw me differently as well.
This taught me a valuable lesson.
It is this; we can each change our reality by changing our perspective. Just start picturing yourself in the reality you want to be in and start walking towards it with every step every day until you get there.
This is a concept I’ve been trying to talk to my blind peers about for a while now. If it worked for me, a blind woman, I think it could work for anyone who needs to do something similar in their own lives.
If I can help someone else change their life by teaching them to change their perspective then I will have been well paid for all the years I had to endure to learn this valuable life lesson.
I hope you are enjoying my new series; Beauty as a Blind Woman in 21st century America. If you can’t tell, I’m trying to tackle inner beauty as well as outer beauty. I believe they are connected. Drop me a line to let me know what you think.
Cheers!
[youtube]https://youtu.be/1BpwypAUYe4[/youtube]